The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
