I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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