I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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