I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize