I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
