im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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