apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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