Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
