I faked an abortion last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
