I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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