im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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