im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
