I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
