That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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