i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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