dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
