Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
