The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
