defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize