i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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