everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
