ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
