Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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