Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
