So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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