coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
