wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
