I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
