This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
