I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
