he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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