i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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