I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
