We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
