wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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