Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
