Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
