Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
