im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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