...so i touched it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize