I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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