i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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