He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
not ubering you a puppy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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