If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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