I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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