so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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