Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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