pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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