Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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