i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
