What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
