Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
