you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
