Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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