I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
