Umm I'm too high to move.
there's paper in my vomit.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sarcasm needs its own font
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
