Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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