I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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