I just cut my nipple shaving
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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