i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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