i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
