there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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