i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its not stalking. its research.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
