So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
