My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
